Sunday, March 30, 2008

Dreaming of Warmer Places

El Calafate

(1) The Edenia, a fantastically remote hotel with 4-star service and Lago Argentino in the backyard, (2) the Perito Moreno Glacier, bigger than the entire city of Buenos Aires, (3) a friendly little iceberg we ran into on the all-glaciers tour, (4) crampons, red carpet hot, (5) the Spegazzini Glacier, as tall as a 24-story building.

Dear Abby

I get uh...interesting emails on occasion, and this is no exception. If Suzette was sincere, then I deeply apologize and sympathize with the wonky stress that's causing her to think either (1) I'm Argentine (you don't even have to read this blog carefully to know I'm too much of a first-world asshole to be from here), or (2) I have an insider's perspective on the people's history of Argentina (and yeah, I'll be sure to get some advice from all the Argentines I know on how an American can survive the crash. After all, the two economic systems are the same). If Suzette's a big ol' fake, I say kudos on the political porn spam. It sure beats being asked if I'd like to see young girls with farm animals.


Hello! Hola!

I was looking around for an Argentine blog in English & ended up looking at yours. Hope you do not mind the snooping, but I have a purpose & some questions that I hope 'people in Argentina can answer for me....

Given what is going on right now with America's financial infrastructure, which is so horrible & beyond the pale that I cannot believe that our news media is talking about anything else (!!!) Idiots that they are!


Makes me wonder about what Argentina went through, when the economic system there went under collapse.. I was just old enough to notice, but not old enough to fully pay attention.

For the average person, what was that like?

How did people survive?

What lessons could we learn from Argentina's experience & how could an average person like myself prepare to endure a national financial melt down?

Because, short of foreign nations deciding to keep the Golden Goose of America laying eggs, we are likely to implode under the weight of outrageous financial shenanigans perpetuated by our banking institutions and investment banks.

Talk about a group of insane, greedy, clueless ass holes!!! They have really done a number on us all.

Every day, more is revealed about the extent of their insanity.. The Federal Reserve has thrown out the rule book & just keeps pumping more money into their hands, as if somehow they would ever have enough money to bail out trillions & trillions of dollars of debt! There is no way they can do that!!

I cannot believe it, now I see that the Fed is going to auction of ANOTHER BILLION DOLLARS to these financial CRIMINALS.

There may not have been a law against what they have done, but if so, that is only because our politicians were too stupid to regulate these greedy crooks! Shocking!

Anyway., Since I am afraid we are headed for a meltdown & soon.. do the Argentines have some advice, based on their own experience, of how an average citizen can survive such a thing?

I would deeply appreciate your response & perspective.. It is outrageous that such a rich country should find itself in this situation, but we have been raped by men with no conscience at all.

Thank you..

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Vacaying Mind

Day 1:

Truly, being on vacation rox, and when I grow up I´m gonna be on vacation forever! It´s magical really. As soon as the school bell sounded on Friday, a dam burst forth from my leaden chest kinda Alien like and I started feeling all Julie-Andrews giddy, spinning and dancing in my living room later that night while stuffing my carryon to the gills with fake Advils, scarves, fluffy novels (such as Carl Hiaasen´s Skinny Dip), and the shortest platform shoes I could unearth from my closet. Where was I going? I´ve already arrived, dear readers, in El Calafate, Patagonia, where wide swathes of blue skies amply beckon, cozy artesanal chocolate shops litter the main drag, and the air feels so fucking fresh you even forget to admonish your teen for forgetting to pack his deodorant. El Calafate, home to one of the few advancing glaciers in the world (Al Gore´s exception), and we´re going trekking on it tomorrow morning. Wheee. I sure hope those crampons look hot with my fake hiking outfit. (Seriously, I own no pants so you can imagine the trainwreck appearance I have in store for my tour group.)

Even our flight on Aerolineas went unhitched. And I was so ready to bitch about delays, rude tudes, and third-world infrastructured aeroparque. Not even close. Everything went according to God´s plan. Even our hotel is as contrary to the Buenos Aires customer service (as in none) credo as you can divine. The staff here is bemusingly exemplary and get this--proactive in their job, seeking us out for talk of shuttle times and catered box lunches and internet access and why it´s not worth it to buy a VIP seat on Monday´s all-glaciers cruise and would you like another cup of cafe con leche delivered to your room and my shift is over so may I introduce you to the new guy? Anyone thinking of coming to earth´s end? Please stay at the Edenia and tell them theshortestfuse sent besos.

Dinner awaits, so more to come though it must be said--I really wish you were here.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

God Bless America!

I've a care package coming, and damn if I ain't praying like mad that these cans* will make a surprise appearance. They would look stunning next to my processed cheese spray (white cheddar flave). Yes, yes, I realize they'd never eke by TSA and require refrigeration and blah blah, but whatever dude. Stop marshing my mallow. I sincerely hope chocolate chip cookie dough is in the works.

* no preparation, no mess, no clean up, and organic to boot. genius