Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Flawed

A friend recently told me that when you make your humiliation part of your creative process, you liberate yourself to, well, create. Hence, here goes my second blog post in all of 2009! Go me.

I've always had a difficult time with "putting myself out there." My wise teeny son likes to accuse me of perfectionism, but that's too simplistic. For decades I felt like I couldn't do anything artistically because (1) I was always surrounded by artistic people, (2) I felt the need to be completely original, and (3) I didn't want judgment, mostly from my own self. All this despite feeling like I was a creative type innately and that when I choose to lose myself in a project, be it drawing or writing, I was pretty damn good, at times even great.

Anyway, I'm now building myself a tenuous bridge and gingerly getting over it. Because you know what, being afraid of not being great is just no fucking way to live. I am simply too tired of it. I am simply too old for it. I don't have the same energy I once had to stifle whatever it is that bubbles out.

So from this point forward, I will use this blog to write and write and write. Most of it will be dribbly shitstain (like that's any different from what's come before), but I will do my damnest to resist the Delete button. And allow maybe only a handful of Edit. The self-censor mode is a bitter pill. It's a cliche to say that you're your worst enemy, but that doesn't make it any less true. The thing is, when you're pretty good at a lot of different things, finding the one true outlet to focus on can be a bit like [insert metaphor].

So there you have it. I've given myself permission to suck so that I can begin the process of sucking less.

I am now hitting the Publish Post button.

28 comments:

mypoliticalexile said...

I am waiting for you to suck some more...

korpisto said...

i just came across a link to your page on another argentine blog but want to congratulate you on coming to the sensible yet frightening decision not to sensor yourself creatively. i myself am one of the countless self-described creative personalities who have restrained their abilities for years out of fear, socialization, laziness, etc. there's no such thing as a real artist or a fake one. we should all create to our heart's content (mind you, this coming from one of the many, virtually ubiquitous, expats searching for a new and creative start in BA).

mypoliticalexile said...

i am still waiting

theshortestfuse said...

i think i might be moseying on over to my other blog: http://onthebrinkinbeijing.blogspot.com/

see you there! keep baking!

Geotacs said...

yep couldn't agree with you more...

"just do it!"

"cape diem!"

"go!"

it's better to have tried and failed or sucked then to not have tried at all... and who knows you may just find the journey exhilarating along the way!

all the best and push the publish it button more!

cheers!

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Jane said...

Interesting

amazingworlds said...

Seems to be a lot of deleted comments here, wonder why?

Anyway keep sucking, I like suckers.

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